What If…

There are a lot of what ifs that often come to my mind. Many of them carry the weight of failure.
What if this doesn’t work? What if I’m not good enough? What if it does work and it’s not enough?
And so what if carries this dark shadow with it.
But what if is neutral. Good and bad things can happen.
So I’m starting to ask myself some what ifs that are scary in a good way.
What if God loves me just as I am, without output or effort.
What if I don’t and never have to work to receive love from him.
What if I lived from a place of abundance. Knowing I am loved no matter what I do.
What if the success I measure myself against isn’t by the end product of perfection.
What if it’s just by me being present in my full self each day, doing the best I can, imperfectly?
What if I allow myself to be happy with trying, regardless of if I reach my goal.
What if I retrain my brain to learn to be content in the constant effort of living, but not from a place of emptiness and fear, hoping to be finally worthy; what if it’s from a place of fullness and assurance and love, knowing it’s because I am worthy that I try and try and try again.
What if I allow myself to be proud. Proud of all I have accomplished. I’m not where I want to be, but– what an accomplishment to my tenacity, where I am right now.
What if I allow myself to be content with how imperfect I am, knowing I am imperfect and yet loved fully.
What if…

What if, this week, you try something new. You remember all you’ve been through, every little thing, and you allow yourself to be grateful for how far you’ve come, without judgement of the things you’ve lost on the way and the journey that lies ahead.